Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Tuesday after lunch, the cosmic time in the universe

This post is a tribute to the truly Imaginary Dan O'Neill, a man whose work did more to inspire my dehumanistic efforts to cure my imaginary acquaintances around the globe of their imaginary diseases by offering the kind of mercy and understanding that this Dan O'Neill can't even conjure without your generous contributions.

It is also a test of whether I can figure out how to cross-post to Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs as well as the Pataphysical Emergency Broadcast System.

Pataphysicians in your area in voluntary cooperation with the NOMF and other global, federal, state and local anti-authoritarians have developed this system to keep you disinformed in the event of a factual emergency. If this had been a life-threatening emergency, the attention-grabbing sentence you just read would have been followed by a flash of light, searing heat, and a voice from beyond asking if you know where your tookus is.

Obviously, the world has been saved again, and we can get on with the business of enhancing our preconceptions of one another by considering that all politics is poopadoodle, locally and globally, as I slip into my smoking jacket and begin to recite from a post about the voting dance of idiots in Oregonadia, a place I know well.

No one has ever gone broke misunderestimating the stupidity of the American people. Inspiring Americans to yearn to strive for the manageable mediocrity that comes with being dumb, fat, and lazy is what has made this country great. Look around, you don't believe me. Show me one accomplishment in the past 50 years of American history that wasn't predicated upon stupidity, ignorance, or mean-spirited bigotry, and I'll let you see my photograph collection of Klingons circling Uranus.


If the eight-year reign of error from 2000-2008 wasn't enough proof that Americans are morons, all you have to do is look at how U.S. elections are conducted and how easily voters get fooled again and again, unable to admit how completely batshit insane it is to expect different results while repeating the same dumb process.

Consider the fact that two ballot measures in Oregasm are in danger of failing, despite involving what amounts to spare change from the ruling class, but ordinary Oregonadian idiots are lining up in their tea-bagging costumes to shout and spew and fume and brandish weapons to celebrate the second amendment, which was put into the Constitution by the Founding Fathers in support of the notion that there is no problem that can't be solved with the right bullet. America is always looking to build better bullets.

Day Opening - January 13

Hamas humor...