Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Some interesting facts about the EU (2)

Typical EU legislation.

Member States

The EU currently has 20-30 member states, give or take 5. Everyone is confused, really. Some are member states, but won't use the euro, "'cause it sucks". Others are members, but not really, as they just joined, and they want the money, basically. Those with the money want to make sure they hold on to it as much as possible. Some states are too small to count as states, so they get invaded by the EU (e.g., Monaco). No one knows how many member states the EU has.

Entrance Requirements

To enter the EU, a country must participate in the Eurovision song contest for 3 consecutive years prior to entry, with the exception of Israel (they need to visit Eurocamp Industrial Showerboothes for "activities") and Turkey (reason for non-admittance unclear but we can assure them that it has nothing to do with their majority religion. Nothing at all).

Other Entry Requirements include :

1. A Flag
2. A National Anthem
3. 2 valid forms of ID, including a driving licence and something with your address on
European Legislation

Typical EU legislation.

The Treaty of Masticate established the European Hyper-Parliament and enabled it to produce Ultra-legislation in some limited areas. The same treaty also established the European Court of Ultimate Justice to enforce legislation and to jump up and down on Hitler's grave. There are two major types of EU Legislation; Directives and Regulations.


Directives are used to legislate bad things. Directives are created through an arcane mixture of voodoo, black magic, hatred, pure evil and Phil Collins CDs by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra featuring Jay-Zee

Some examples of directives are:

European Hatred Directive (EC-H4t3D)
European Satanic Directive (EC-54T4n1c)
European Genocide Directive (EC-63n0c1D3)
European Hitler Moustache Directive (EC-H1t13r)


Regulations are the counterpoint of Directives in that they legislate only good things. Regulations are created by mixing kittens, love, lurve, sugar, syrup, puppies, candy, sex, happiness, chocolate, polar bear cubs, honey and Nelson Mandela together in a big mixing bowl and stirring until those cute little sad-eyes just pop out of their cutesy lil' heads!

Some examples of regulations are:

European World-Peace Regulation (EC-P34c3-N0w)
European Cutesy-Wootsey Kitty-Cat Regulation (EC-5000-Cut3)
European Snuggle-Bunnie Regulation (EC-5nU6613-3uNN13)
European Mahatma Gandhi Regulation (EC-M4h4tm4-64nDh1)

Future provinces

Austria (Annexed by E.U. in 1995 Anschluss II)
Bulgaria (Joined to grab the money)
Belgium (the one that holds the money and, strangely, shares it with the other members)
Cyprus (joined to get the Turkish out)
Czech Republic (do you know better option how to make the Austrians angry and earn money?)
Denmark (Uhhhmn.. What? Did we join? When? We still have Danish Crowns! And beer! For faen, haell op en Tuborg! )
Estonia wants to show to the EU, who are the Estonian electritians.
Greece (joined so that their polititians stop working alongside the rest of the Greeks/ having someone else dealing their financial messes)
Finland (joined because - um, Russia didn't)
France (joined to get an opportunity to dump manure outside government buildings in Bruxelles)
Germany (Started it to finally get some lebensraum. Heimat!)
Hungary (joined for the money and afterwards look down on the neighbours outside it)
Ireland (so that GB would not be the only one in union with Belfast)
Italy (Joined for the nice fireworks on the union celebration party)
Latvia (see Estonia)
Lithuania (see Latvia)
Luxembourg (joined just to force the others recogizing Luxembourgish as a language)
Malta (joining the EU was the next best thing to being under the Italian, Greek, Spanish, French, and British rules once again, which they really enjoyed. Really.)
Monaco (will join as soon as it is declared Euro tax exempt, and its casinos are guaranteed the right to remain in existence)
The Netherlands (Joined for the free traffic of East European girls to feed the Red Light District) Poland (joined because kinda had to, being in Europe's centre and all, and to give Russia the finger)
Portugal (prefered to be at the edge of something instead of the middle of nowhere)
Romania (Need broader market for its drug exports)
Slovenia (They felt so alone without Yugoslavia)
Slovakia: a good way how to make the Hungarians angry and get some money
Spain (another one that joined for the money and got all of it)
Sweden (joined because - um, Finland did)
United Kingdom (joined to feel superior, But quickly realised they didn't like paying for French farmers to feed their cows spent uranium and withdrew)
Mexico (Mexicans finally got independence from the US (reference needed) and thought it was cool to join Europe and to show the United States that they suck)

End of part 2

Erkan got his PhD

Yesterday, our dear friend - Erkan - his thesis (Turkish journalism and the EU) was accepted, and Erkan is granted with a well deserved PhD from Rice University, Houston, TX, USA.
Congratulations Erkan.
Picture; Ipek Martinez

More than 2,500 'butchers' injured in Turkey - Eid festival

...writes Hurriyet yesterday. Butchers injured? I don't understand how a butcher can be injured...
Carpetblogger wrote an interesting posting about this.
Below some pictures from around the world. Looks like that it is not that bad in Turkey. But how do we call this? Culture relativism? Anyway, I still can not digest this part of Bayram.




Day Opening - December 9

Random: winter photo