Thursday, September 3, 2009

Some interesting facts about Sarah Palin (1)

Sarah Michael Palin was born February 30, 1968 in Idaho after being conceived in Satanic Ritual Abuse by the Republican Party. She is the half-milf governor of Alaska, and was the 2008 Republican Party nominee for the office of Vice President in the 2008 United States presidential election. She is best known for being the second sexiest candidate running for Vice President in 2008, and recently surpassed singer Jewel as the top result for the Google search "crazy alaska hottie".
The mother of thirteen (not including numerous aborted fetuses), she is a certified self-rejuvenating virgin who enjoys eating caribou, banning books and saying feminist, empowering statements like "Math is hard!" when you pull the string on the back of her neck. The movie "Cannibal Holocaust" (1980) is based loosely on Palin's courtship with her husband.
Early Life
Palin was born deep beneath Idaho, and when she was young her family moved to Inuit country, far above the arctic circle, to get away from black people and homosexuals. She was reported to be born with her head up her ass and foot in her mouth. Through the dark arts taught to her by her witchdoctor/pastor of her church, she is able to look like a normal person by means of a head which is not really there. Many scientists speculate she is the dumbest person on the planet. This is backed up by her entire existance as the most moronic person alive. The only reason she was elected Governer of Alaska is because the people just felt so darn bad for her.
As a child, Palin had few cronies friends. To amuse herself she took up the hobby of putting lipstick on her family pets, which swiftly became an obsession. To date, she has applied it liberally to pitbulls, pigs, and her children. At one point, she even considered opening a pet-lipstick store.

Palin putting lipstick on a caribou, oh wait, that's not...
Prior to her life in public service, she earned the nickname "bespectacled cunt-brarian" for her young looks, glasses and effective shushing sound (which is generally followed with a subtle "ya know, jeese louuwheeese"). In fact, her glasses apparently give her the extraordinary ability to see the Russia--but evidently not Africa--from anywhere in her home state. She also spent several years as a customer liason for the fortune 500 company "Hooters", working for client satisfaction in one of the local
Source: uncyclopedia

Day Opening - September 3


Long way ahead.