Thursday, July 2, 2009

Obama? Who's Obama?


Barack Hussein Obama II is the 44th and current President of the Jointed States of the Americanas. Since assuming the Oval Office in January 2009, he has made subtle, sweeping changes in policy and government. His supporters claim he has quickly improved the United States government and the country in general, while his detractors claim that his accomplishments are embellished and an imminent totalitarian state is his plan. His actions as President, thus far the most notable being his work on repairing the economy, have undoubtedly led to the government taking a larger role in the everyday life of US citizens. Obama has been quoted as saying that his favorite book is 1984 by George Orwell.
Barack Obama was 'allegedly' born in Honolulu, Hawaii to Stanley Ann Dunham in 1961. His Kenyan father had been raised as a Muslim, though later became an atheist. Early on in his life, Obama was confronted with a variety of views, be they religious, philosophical or political. Not only did Obama spend the first twelve years of his life in Indonesia, he also spent them in Hawaiian terrorist camps while also being enlisted in Iraqi terror camps full time. Little is known for sure about Obama's childhood, but his exposure to many different political systems is probably what influenced his socialist and elitist tendencies later in life.
His raise to Power
Through his message of hope and change, he won the support of many. In 2008, the American people were blinded by his mesmerizing speeches. Promising the 'Childish and overemotional' Americanas people a hopeful future, he defeated that creepy old guy for the Presidency in 2008. After his inauguration, he firmly spread the word of hope and change to all walks of life, and to all peoples in all nations, so that we may prosper under his warming, glowing, warm glow.
Many Republican opponents suspect Obama's victory is to blame on the use of brainwashing machines. Liberal scientists explain these strange phenomena in the sky as being weather balloons. The general public wonders why weather balloons look so freakin' weird these days.
His personal life is a complete mystery. No one knows the current whereabouts of Obama. Obama's media screening and revising team have removed any information including Obama that they have deemed "A danger to the Great Lord's Safety". They have successfully removed any mention of Obama in nearly any television show or magazine, as well as heavy deletion of any internet web pages or articles mentioning him. However, Google Maps still shows Obama's where abouts if you type "Obama" into the search bar. Obama's media revising team is trying to resolve this problem as quickly as possible and Obama has personally outlawed any use of Google other than the Image Search.

In one rare interview, Obama highlighted the diversity of his extended family: "It's like a little mini-Mars Bar," he said. "I've got relatives who look like George Bush, and I've got relatives who look like Thomas the Tank Engine." Obama has seven wives from his Kennedy family, six of them living, and a half-sister with whom he was raised, Maya Yummy-Ng, the daughter of his mother and her Indonesian eighteenth husband.
In Dreams from My Father, Obama ties his mother's family history to possible Native American ancestors and distant relatives of Jefferson Davis, president of the southern Confederacy during the American Civil War. But of course, all copies of the book were immediately deleted to "protect the Great Lord". The Joined States of the Americanas are a blessed nation under his rule!
Some interesting quotes:

*All media is liberal media, and every other President is history!
*Trust me, it's very watchful. He's watching me right now...

Day Opening - July 2


Brugge, Belgium.