Many Republican opponents suspect Obama's victory is to blame on the use of brainwashing machines. Liberal scientists explain these strange phenomena in the sky as being weather balloons. The general public wonders why weather balloons look so freakin' weird these days.
In one rare interview, Obama highlighted the diversity of his extended family: "It's like a little mini-Mars Bar," he said. "I've got relatives who look like George Bush, and I've got relatives who look like Thomas the Tank Engine." Obama has seven wives from his Kennedy family, six of them living, and a half-sister with whom he was raised, Maya Yummy-Ng, the daughter of his mother and her Indonesian eighteenth husband.
In Dreams from My Father, Obama ties his mother's family history to possible Native American ancestors and distant relatives of Jefferson Davis, president of the southern Confederacy during the American Civil War. But of course, all copies of the book were immediately deleted to "protect the Great Lord". The Joined States of the Americanas are a blessed nation under his rule!
*All media is liberal media, and every other President is history!
*Trust me, it's very watchful. He's watching me right now...